Walking away from it all…

Growing up in a family full of narcists and psychos. I made it out barely. I was raised to think I was going to be a no body. That I was just nothing. I was told I could have been given away and I’m lucky she didn’t. I get lied about and disrespected for defending my own family. I literally am accused of things that never happened only because of their jealously or because I spoke the TRUTH. People attack me and my family first then say I’m the one who started things. Never have I lied about anything I have said about a person and I never will. I’m 100 % honest and will always be that way. I am cutting the rotten ouy of my life for good. No more handouts no more shoulder for people to cry on no more listening. I’m done with it all. People are cruel and unjust in their behaviors. It’s apparently wrong to want face to face judgement and communication. Because everyone loves online now. Or whispers behinds everyone’s back. I’m a weird person I guess. I like to talk things out face to face. I have earned everything and did everything in my life on my own. I don’t get handouts, I don’t have a daddy bail me out. Shit the only dad I knew treated me like a piece of shit till I joined the military. But at the end of the day after all the bs I have learned I alone have my back. I alone have to defend myself and I alone will always be better than the spoiled, self rightious people I know. Here’s to never ever speaking to another soul in my life.

Life as I know it

It is so frustrating when people act as if you have all the time in the world. Everyone wants something from me whether it be my time, money, or something. Never do I get a break in this life. I’m constantly running out of time and never do I finish things all in one day. But I am reminded by other they too are impatient and need something from me. Why is it people can be so intrusive, cruel, use others whether it be for time or money, knowing it is wrong. I don’t get it. I love my life with my small family and there are people who just won’t leave us alone no matter how much I try to do the right thing. What is the right thing to do? Because no matter what I do, minding my own business people still emotionally abuse me. When will it stop? No matter how honest and up front I am, when will it stop?

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Maker:S,Date:2017-8-20,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

Never easy in life.

No matter what you say or do people will judge you, lie about you, and even blame you for things they had every part in. I’ve been called allot of things but stalker has never been one. Lol till tonight. I find it cute people think I check up on them when I want nothing to do with them. I’m childish but they have screen shots in their phone from year ago 😂 I just can’t with the crazy. I got enough of my own crazy. I always admit when I’m wrong and if I said something. I just wish people would get it through their heads I’m doing 10x better than they ever will. I’m not checking up on no one and I’m loving my life. I’m just that rare person that prefers face to face conversation rather than technology fighting even if that means waiting a year to do so. I’m patient only in that way. Lol I stand up for people who don’t deserve it and I was raised in a family that never wanted me in the first place. I am human and I make mistakes as does everyone. But I own my shit. Every little thing. So I wish people would just stop. Stop lying, stop using people, and realize I could

careless if you died tomorrow. This family I no was raised in isn’t shit and won’t ever be shit. I am a veteran, I have 2 college degrees, I go to therapy and I know when to ask for help because who isn’t crazy these days but do not ever say I’m a liar or stalker cause those are 2 things I’m not. I defend my love ones and I realize they must fight their own fight. I’m done. And I can not wait to move far from Lakeland. Soon isn’t soon enough.

Life

When was life ever promised to be easy
When has it ever given the perception of perfection,
If you believe this to be true you are creating deception.
Life with out pain and suffering is something no one escapes.
Human beings are made up of love, pain & mistakes.
somethings will hurt inside, somethings will ache.
Life will give you love, hope, and dreams
Life is unknowing, and at times hard.
What you can count on is that once you are given life
It is up to you to do the best you can with what you are given.
Regardless of you trials and tribulations,
Look for kindness, patience, and a love from within
It starts with you till your very end
This life is yours and yours alone, do what makes you happy.
Don’t get sappy.
I enjoy my happy moments as you should yours
And when those hard days come
Don’t give up, become
The hero in your own story, don’t worry.
Smile at those that try to do you harm and
Give thanks to those that teach you in lessons of life.
We are all in it together whether you like it or not.

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What they don’t know! But must be told….

What they don’t know, is not any of their business but some people are so nosey they can not help themselves. I have been that person, who hasn’t?! Well, What they don’t know is in this relationship of almost 14 years there have been great, good, bad, and awful moments. What they don’t know is that not one single sole but two individuals in the relationship know precisely what is going on. They don’t know year nine was the year she decided to take no more abuse. That is the only year anyone knows about because she let it out.

Not letting out his information or past within the relationship but just hers. To everyone now she was now this awful wife, mother, and friend. Because what they did not know and given misguided information; instead of minding their business they were concerned with hers. What they didn’t realize was she sacrificed so much for her relationship. Mind, body, and soul; for nine whole years throughout the ups and downs she held on to his abuse, emotionally, physically, and mentally. The leaving and returning, the cheating, verbal abuse, and personally my favorite the affairs. This was through the first nine years; throughout the nine years she stayed faithful to him and allowed the abuse without doing unto him as he did to her.

Year 9; what they didn’t know is she couldn’t take anymore and became something she was not proud of and instead, the higher road did not look as good as payback. So taking the lower path which looked so much more enticing, made others gossip, lie, and call her names. But that is still ok because what they didn’t know is that these trials and tribulations only made her stronger and therefore made their relationship stronger. She never gave up on the relationship and never did she not own her mistakes, like so many of those that were putting themselves in her business. No one is perfect, but in the end, she found two wrongs did not make it right, and they grew in strength, and nothing was tearing them apart.

What they didn’t know is that this woman does not have mind control over others, she never makes anyone do anything they do not want to do, or is she going to own every one of her own mistakes like so many around her DO NOT do or even acknowledge. But instead, what they did not know was she ended up a stronger woman, wife, mother, and friend. She never once left her children, never not once did she turn her back on her husband, she just was human. Pain can make people do awful things, and it can also make you a stronger person. But what people need to understand is there is so much more THEY DO NOT KNOW! The story is not over, they have many more trials and tribulations, but in the end, they will make it. What they do not know is that these two people are not perfect but perfect for each other. Our grass may need mowed and watered sometimes, but ours is REAL, RAW, HAPPY, LOVING, FORGIVING, AND BEST OF ALL HUMAN.

In the end, what they don’t know is still NONE OF THIER FUCKING BUSINESS!! This is for those that just HAVE TO KNOW because it is so much easier ignoring their own flaws within their relationships.

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Burn That Bridge Down!

Bridge Burning in the non-literal sense of the words is something that takes time and practice. I have burned bridges before, you know teenage bridge burning when you are learning about how to become an adult and ultimately a good human being. But adult bridge burning is a whole other level and takes a lot less work than people think. Now, it took practice but I have become great at burning bridges. I not only will burn a bridge, but I burn it down while I am on it so people know I am very serious about the ending of the relationship whether it be with a friend or family member. I like to instantly cut off anything that is not good for my mental state and ultimately my health. Especially, considering how precious my mental state is to me.

People say, “I burned that bridge a long time ago”, well let’s ask a few questions to see if you actually burned that bridge. Have you lurked on their life on social media? Have you asked others or a middle party about how the other individual is doing? Do you literally make up fake Facebook posts to stalk those individuals ( this is a real thing, I knew a person who has these fake FB pages just for lurking and stalking) If so, then NO you did not burn that bridge! No, you haven’t let go of that anger or unhappiness for that person. I have been in therapy for a long time for multiple mental issues like depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, so I find it necessary to let go and burn any bridge with any individual that does not bring me happiness or may stress me out. This means completely letting go of that individual or individuals. That means do not give them a second thought, that means when someone brings their name up you shut that shit down and refuse to bring up such negativity.

That is burning a bridge. Never allow another soul to make you as a person depressed, stressed, or negative. Life is not a competition and there is no one who is making it out alive so dispose of people who do not bring you happiness, strength, or support. Be who “you” want to be regardless of social norms what people think you should be. BE YOU!! BE WEIRD!! BE UNIQUE!! The world needs more of those people. In the end, BURN those bridges with those negative people completely, DO NOT LOOK BACK. It is the best, non- stressful, weightlifting experience you will have when letting go of things or people that are not good for your life or mental state. It took me a long time to grasp that strength and learn to completely walk away from what is not good for me or my life. I have more to learn but one thing is for sure, my life has done nothing but gotten better since I learned the technique of BURNING BRIDGES. Let me know how you let go. I am always willing to learn new and creative ways to dispose of negative energies, people, or things that bring me unhappiness.

Pour the mental gasoline, light the mental match and mentally burn it down to the ground. No one that actually loves you wants you to fail or be in pain. Sometimes, loved ones hurt you but they show remorse and regret and do not want you to hurt or put negativity on you. For those other ugly individuals…. well… light that match and walk away whole heartedly.

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An Unexpected Mother

Positive results on a test I didn’t study for.

Not knowing how to prepare, not knowing what was in store

9 months to go and ready to see;

just how beautiful you will be

Time has passed and I can feel you move;

I think you knew.

Happiness replaces my fears.

I couldn’t control my cravings, my weight, or my tears.

My hormones are out of whack and couldn’t wait until you were due.

Lying in bed trying to sleep;

A promise was made I was going to keep

Don’t give up no matter how hard it will be.

It’s an honor to watch her grow right in front of me.

She will need me to be strong and I hope she sees.

I wasn’t prepared to be a mother but it was meant to be.

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